Lie To Me
by Wine-into-Water
Summary: Sam/Dean, Wincest. Set after Heart. Everything would be so much better for Sam if Dean would just lie to him.


**Title** –Lie To Me  
**Rating** –PG13  
**Fandom** - Supernatural  
**Characters** – Sam/Dean Winchester  
**Warnings** – Wincest, suicidal thoughts, spoilers for Heart  
**Summary** – Sam just needs Dean to lie to him, to tell him that everything will be fine.  
**Authors Note** – This fic was written for **qbic1 **who purchased me during a **Sweet Charity** auction. It's not exactly what she wanted, but I hope it comes close.

**Disclaimer** – Sadly nothing in the Supernatural fandom belongs to me. Kripke, CW and others that are not me own the boys. I only borrow them to play with.  
**Beta** - **sailorhathor** who makes all my messes pretty. All mistakes left are mine  
All constructive criticism welcomed.

**Lie to Me**

You stand there, arm stretched out, gun pointed directly at her, her head is bent down so she doesn't have to see you standing there, ready to kill her, your finger trembles on the trigger as you stand there, not doing anything, not moving, barely breathing, you're waiting, but you don't know what for. Finally she looks up, her cheeks stained with tears, her eyes sad and full of fear. It's only then you pull the trigger, hoping your aim is true through your own teary eyes. You don't want it to be painful, just one clean shot. Her body falls to the ground, a dull thud, and you can hear a small puff of air leaving her lips as her body settles. Despite the tears you were just crying, the sorrow you were just experiencing, you feel oddly calm.

You have no idea how long you stand there, staring at her lifeless body, watching as blood pools around her. It must have been long enough though because you feel the comforting pressure of Dean's hand on the center of your back; he says something but you miss his words. When you still make no acknowledgement that you even know he's there, he reaches for the gun that you're still holding out in front of you, aimed and ready to shoot again. He covers your hand and pulls it down towards your side. When your arm finally relaxes he takes the gun, tucking it in the waistband of his jeans, pulling his shirt over it to conceal it. He doesn't say a word, just turns you around and gives you a slight nudge for you to start walking towards the door. You open your mouth to protest, you can't just leave her lying there like that, but you remember the shot, remember the noise and you know there is no time.

Dean makes sure to grab the doorknob firmly, gripping the door's edge after, while you walk through. You know what he's doing, leaving a clear set of prints, because if the law is going to come after one of you it might as well be him, what's another murder charge tacked on to his already impressive record? Your stomach sinks a little. Dean does so much for you, and how do you pay him back? You think of him in ways you shouldn't, ways that would make him sick, would tarnish and shatter that pedestal he places you upon. You know it would break him if he ever found out, yet you know he would never leave you over it. It's ingrained in him to protect you, you come first, always have, always will.

Sometimes you want to use that to your advantage, use that love against him and take what you most desire.

S/D

It surprised you how attracted to Madison you were. There was a pull there that you haven't felt since Dean has been back by your side, and before that you hadn't felt it since you were late for class and ran into the most beautiful girl you had ever laid eyes on, sending her and her books flying like they were weightless. When your hand touched hers as you helped her up there was electricity that passed through the both of you, and you knew she was the answer to leaving your past, and your feelings for Dean behind.

You'd never cheapen what you had with Jess, you loved her, loved her more than you ever thought you could considering you were in love with Dean ever since you had a vague idea of the meaning of the word. So Madison snuck up on you, and you couldn't figure it out, but now you know, should have been crystal clear, really. It was the darkness in her, the evil that lurked just beneath her skin. You must have been able to sense it, had to have been drawn to it on some primal level, because she was a killer. Evil coursed through her veins just like it does yours.

S/D

You know you have to do it; there is no other answer to this problem. Dean won't do it for you, even if he promised. You weren't in control of your body but you were there, you saw how Meg taunted him, begged him to kill you, threatened to kill Jo, and he still did nothing, not if it meant hurting you. If you did turn evil, more evil than you already are, he'd probably follow you if he couldn't save you. Even if it went against everything he stands for he'd still be by your side, protecting you even when you didn't deserve it. So this is the only way to save you both. You can't ask him again to kill you and you can't ask him to let you go, and there is no way you have the strength to walk away from him again; it all but killed you the first time you left. It's time for you to make the sacrifice for the family this time instead of it always being Dean.

You just haven't figured out how to do it yet. Logically, you should pick something quick and fast, no time to rethink, no time to regret, no time for Dean to come in and stop you. Just get it done and over with. Take your favorite pistol, press it against your chin and pull. The only downside to it all is Dean finding you. You remember the premonition you had when Max trapped you in the closet; it didn't even really happen and you still have nightmares about it. You can't do that to Dean, you love him too much.

Second option: Something slower, a bit more painful, something that lets you feel the life draining out of you. You have a fresh pack of razors in your duffle, sharp and shiny, almost begging to get stained with your blood. Still an awful way for Dean to find you, but yet not as bad.

Third option: Something supernatural and demonic. It's the cowards' way out, and you know it. This way Dean doesn't think any less of you; you got taken out doing the job, fighting the good fight, no fault on you at all. Dean is saddled with a lifetime of guilt of not being able to protect you, but wouldn't that be better than what happens if you don't stop yourself? If you don't end this now there is no telling how evil you will become. What if you do something to hurt Dean, what if you can't fight that attraction anymore when evil finally takes control?

Your decision is made. You'll do some research, see if there isn't anything you can't summon that will do the job quick, tear you apart, peel the meat from your bones and leave you lifeless.

S/D

Turns out, Dean knows you better than you ever gave him credit for. Saw your plan coming for miles. Your choice of suicide tool is beyond dead; Dean worked it over so badly that you can barely tell it was ever anything living. Lighter fluid catches and it begins to go up in flames, and you almost feel sorry for it.

S/D

You just sit there listening as he keeps yelling at you, calling you selfish and stupid, bitching about how you're casting yourself as Romeo in this little love story, but he's wrong, it's not like that. This has nothing to do with losing Madison, she's barely an after thought in this whole mess; she just allowed you to realize a few things, important things, like how loving your brother will kill you both. Slow and painful.

You've always been a strong person, Dean raised you to be able to handle any emotional damage, and anything you couldn't he was more than happy to put on his own shoulders. He'd curl up beside you and hold you, reassure you everything would be all right, and you believed him, always. You're older now, wiser.

You ask him to lie to you. When he stops pacing and quirks his eyebrow up in question, you clarify - you ask him to lie, to tell you everything will be fine, that you don't have to worry about what you might become. He looks dejected as your words sink in; he thinks you don't have faith in him to save you. You want to cry, it's not what you meant. Just as quickly as the hurt flashed in his eyes, it's gone, and his walls are back up. You curse yourself for hurting him again. It's a habit you need to break.

You open your mouth to defend what you said, to make it more clear, but he cuts in before you utter a sound, tells you that he never has to lie to you, not about that, because he can save you, he will save you. He turns away and walks towards the window and you can barely hear what he says next; it's spoken soft and low, under his breath, but you've had years of listening and focusing on everything that comes out of Dean's mouth, so you know what he said, that he will save you, do anything he has to, even if it's to save you from himself. You don't understand, you say his name as a question, hoping he will explain himself. He doesn't. He just stands there, staring out into the darkness. You walk up to him, your hand resting on his shoulder as you turn him to face you. You've never seen him so broken, not since your father died, and even then it might not have been like this. He's trying so hard to re-erect those walls he had a few moments ago, to protect himself, but he can't; he's standing in front of you, ripped open and raw. You're scared; this isn't the Dean you know.

He pulls away, but keeps eye contact, tells you that you're not evil, you could never be. John had it wrong, placed the blame on the wrong Winchester. It's him, he's the one that has darkness in his soul, and he should never have gone back for you, should have left you alone and kept you safe, far, far away from him. But he couldn't. He wasn't strong enough, and that is something he has to live with. Your mind is racing, trying to figure out this puzzle that Dean is giving you the pieces to, but no matter which way you arrange them, you end up with a Cubist Picasso instead of a simple landscape. You beg him to make sense, to help you understand, because you're getting worried.

He walks up to you, standing just inches away; you can feel the heat radiating off of his body and smell the smoke and dirt from the hunt mixed in with the scent that is just Dean. Your heart flutters; now is really not the time to be flustered by Dean's closeness. He's looking at you; he seems to be able to see right through you down to your soul. He says he's sorry, and before you can ask what for, his hands are holding your face and he's pulling you in. His lips are touching yours.

You don't think, don't ask questions, you just react. You wrap your arms around his waist, pull him close, and deepen the kiss.

S/D

You've never dreamt you could have this, exactly this. Dean filling you, surrounding you, his lips branding promises of love and safety into your skin with every kiss, his hands brushing over your skin, making you feel like fire.

You're finally at ease, the first time since that afternoon when Dean told you what your father had said. There still might be some truth to his words, only time will tell, but when Dean pulls you close and wraps himself around you, kissing the top of your head and telling you to sleep, and you snuggle in close, resting your head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat, you don't have a doubt in your mind that now that you have this, there isn't anything the two of you can't get through.


End file.
